I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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