My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
