i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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