I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
