I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
