i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
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I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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