I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
