There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She bit a glass in half.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
