whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
