the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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