What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize