im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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