I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize