im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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