in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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