anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
