Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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