there's paper in my vomit.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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