Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize