there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
worst night to have a conscience
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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