You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
