Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
