Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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