Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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