just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
