is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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