It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
