3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
