dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
