come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize