so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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