I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
