This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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