I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
