i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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