She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
