so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
