I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I supernannyed him into submission
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
