Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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