Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
