i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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