Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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