your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
