It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
