Where did you get a picture of my penis
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
