I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
