How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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