Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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