I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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