I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
