I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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