I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
