I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
