So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Green mimosas i think yes
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
