I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize