drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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