she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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