I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Barsexuality is the new black.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
