I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
