Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
This is my gift to your gina
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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