I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
