hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
