I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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