I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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