Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
