Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
