Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
