I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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