I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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