So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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