go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
