did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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