Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Holy sore nipples Batman
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
