if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
