you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
