So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
