it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
