JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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