nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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